STORIES WE TELL. I read about this documentary in the NY Times, then heard the film maker interviewed by Terry Gross (my favorite Interviewer) on Fresh Air (NPR). I saw the film and then read the reviews. I immediately wondered if we’d seen the same movie. First of all, it was very boring. The story: the Mom has an affair, daughter and family basically discover this way down the road, although a couple of the family members say they suspected. The “secret” is that the film maker’s dad who raised her and biological father are not one and the same.

And, to be honest, the duped dad and the biological father are equally dull. I know scores of families that have greater secrets and are much more attractive. One comes immediately to mind: a High School girlfriend. The subject of the movie and my girlfriend even look alike. My friend Becky was so “alive” as was the Mom of the documentary. Becky as a teenager was innovative and creative, energetic to a fault—always at the center of activity. I was way too “slow” to keep up with her. As I trip down memory lane, I think, “What a shame,” in a sense, as we “play the hand we’re dealt.” Her parents were wonderful folks but were “survivors” themselves and didn’t know how to nourish the creativity of this incredible daughter they had. Now, as I look back with the long lens of our history, I can see this.

Consequently, I am revising my view of STORIES WE TELL. See it. If a movie causes a stir in your memory bank i.e., this wonderful person who crossed my path at a significant time in life, I have to say, thanks for the memories.

STORIES WE TELL. I read about this documentary in the NY Times, then heard the film maker interviewed by Terry Gross (my favorite Interviewer) on Fresh Air (NPR). I saw the film and then read the reviews. I immediately wondered if we’d seen the same movie. First of all, it was very boring. The story, mom has an affair, daughter and family basically discover this way down the road, although a couple say they suspected. The duped dad and the biological father are equally dull. I kept thinking to myself, “Am I missing something here?” I know scores of families that have greater secrets and are much more attractive. To be honest, I didn’t find a single thing that would cause me to recommend the film. Could be the cold and uninviting landscape of Toronto that just happens to be one of my favorite cities, had something to do with it. The most interesting potential in the film was barely touched: the mother’s cancer.

Hell, I paid $11 bucks. I don’t even think I got the senior citizen’s discount. Damn!

IMAGES FROM BAY TO BREAKERS foot race. 2013. BOSTON STRONG

The Bay to Breakers race, 7.2 miles (From the bay side of the City, totally across it to the ocean). It is never just a road race, it is an “experience.” A rolling party—slightly more subdued this year. The Boston bombing effect. Lots of t-shirts honoring Boston.

The various teams of corporate logos and people running for causes. I ran across one guy raising awareness through his org for girl’s education in Kenya. And, in the “could have done without” category, some “would be” entrepreneur had a giant prosthesis copulatory organ and was trying to charge for pictures. A few women were snapping and posing. It was funny.

Several bands along the way entertained, one was playing my favorite song by Train, “Save Me San Francisco.” Beautiful sunny day and my bud from Alaska told me that they just had six inches of snow on the ground. He needs “a Save Me San Francisco.”

Will have to say that I am always awed by one group: The evangelical Christians seem to always be ubiquitous at these events. They are hardcore to the max: Power in The blood; gays, bankers, heathens of all strips come in for condemnation. People run on by giving them the middle finger salute. The speaker is always articulate and could teach the politicians a thing or two on handling hostile crowds. I always smile, they are never rattled or don’t seem to be. I am amazed but then in general, I’m pretty amazed with the Bay To Breakers.

Rarely do I empathize with the generals. I used to think, “what the hell is it with all these generals with a chest full of lettuce (medals).” But, I will have to say that watching them on TV recently being battered, I felt sorry for ‘em.

I don’t know what the f..k it is with these sexual assaults. The perpetrators need to be strung up by their heels and their gonads cut off. That being said, those of us who want to “step back” a bit are accused of being part of the problem. Bullshit. An example, a lawyer friend of mine and me were attempting to dialogue. I was trying to present an idea, the military is not a social service organization. It has one purpose: “to fight and win wars.” He got his drawers all in a bunch. “Well, you think rape is OK.” F..k No! Rape or sexual assault is never all right.

An aside: All fields of service, to include combat, have to be opened up to females, plain and simple; but, let’s get real here. Men and women will reflect their society, they always do. They get together. (hook up). Let’s don’t lose sight of the mission. FIGHT AND WIN WARS. Men are stupid. Their brains, more than likely are in the wrong, “head.”

I have faith in the system that those in authority who abuse their position will be punished but just because they are men doesn’t make them all guilty. If every time someone tries to defend the system, they are accused of pandering to the guilty, they will shut up and that hurts us all.

A last thing: do we think that the “Special Operations Troops” that overthrew the Taliban and killed Bin Laden are in reality, Sunday school teachers in their off time. I don’t think so. We have some “bad actors” as soldiers and this is said with respect to these exceptional and highly trained and wound tight troops. They can do a hundred push-ups with either hand and leap tall buildings with a single bound. Get the idea? In combat, we don’t have time to debate the role of gender, we are closing with and killing the enemy. THIS IS WAR and let’s keep all this in perspective.

Comment from a reader?

What do u think of all these Obama scandals? Benghazi, IRS targeting of conservatives, monitoring reporter phone calls. Are u going to write about it? I think my republican house members forming all these committees to investigate, it will just make them look bad… I am sure there is bias targeting in Obama administration. Not saying that the Obama administration should do any thing illegal but republicans need to get over it and deal with this guy for the next 3 years

MY THOUGHTS

I have several. First of all, how can the IRS be this stupid but they are. In the age of Twitter, FB, please!!! I haven’t really heard how it came out. The IG for one thing. It is a mess. Somebody along the way f..ked up and it could be a few midgets, meaning “low on the totem pole” types but who had a philosophical view of how f..king disastrous the the Republicans are. And, the thing that is overlooked is that these people were opting for a tax break. It is not like individual income tax returns were targeted. I am not defending the culprits and their stupidity. But, things happen, people are stupid, they even make mistakes. Sometimes they are criminal. And, now, what is worst is that we have to put up with this self righteous bullshit. I have little patience with Congress in general. They are mostly a self serving collection of charlatans. We ought to be investigating them. When they were recently inconvenienced with plane delays, their sorry asses jumped right on it. Why doesn’t somebody make a campaign out of their salaries and benefits. Two quick opinions. (1) Most of these “tea party” types and these other conservative groups are a f..king bunch of zeolots and they are guided by, “don’t confuse me with facts, I have my mind made up.” (2) The Inspector General will always find some problem. Just that simple. That is his job, good or bad, find a problem. Having talked to many IGs over the years, they can be the problem themselves. They are a type of zealot. They often are simply not objective but are shielded as if they were.

I hate bullshit like this because it takes away from tackling the real problems in the country. Am I biased? f..king A!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KIM

When I was growing up in NC, about once a month, my dad took us to Fred Barnes barber shop. It was a little shed like structure and to this day I can smell it. Fred had no concept of hygiene and the cut and discarted hair just stayed wherever it fell for days, maybe weeks. My brother, Raz, would tell stories of how Fred would simply take a bowl and put it on the person’s head and cut around it. Throughout the community, there was no doubt who had been to Fred’s barber shop. Could be, Fred was way ahead of his time, especially as it relates to the “bowl” cut. The Marines have adopted it whole hog. And, if you have paid any attention to the venerable leader of North Korea, he is also a Fred disciple.

My barbers of choice in San Francisco are the Kim girls. They are pretty remarkable as persons. First of all, they are incredible barbers. I guess they could be called “hair stylists.” I think they are good to great. Kim and Lynn have been in America more than twenty plus years for sure and have embraced the culture. Charming Is not half ot it. They remember people’s names, families and asked about children and always appear to be hanging on every word. Truthfully, they understand about a third. The Kim girls have mastered the basics of commo. If you don’t understand, pretend you do. The vast majority of customers simply fall at their feet. I love them. They were raised in peasant families. Teenagers during the war and were part of the great amada of boat people. They are part of the great migrant success story. The Kim girls love America and to the Kim girls that is no small thing.

Grieving is a lifelong process and becomes a part of our living life more than we care to admit. Unfortunately, nothing we can do about it. Death is a pervasive part of life, in one way or another. In our country, we have not had to confront the reality as others have. Syria, for instance, where death is daily assured to be a part of a tragic existence. And, of course, we are shocked at tragedies like Boston and West, Texas.

Regardless, the philosophical views of death do not minimize a single one. And, all death is not equal. Here’s an example. I recently received a call from a daughter telling me about her Mom, 85, who is very sick. A wonderful person and basically has lived her life to the fullest, some of which I witnessed up close. I was immediately struck by a contrast of a tragedy in the same community. A high school youngster and her father were killed in an auto accident. A community wide memorial is schedule for tomorrow (Monday, May 13). This youngster, who goes by the name of KI, has not had a chance to live her life yet. No, all death is not equal. For KI, No graduations, college, marriage, career, children. GRIEF. So sad.

MOTHER’S DAY. My wife said about
Mother’s day, “tell the kids that the greatest gift is their family.” Plus, flowers for Rose’s mom, in honor of Rose. This has become a bit of a ritual: I go to my favorite flower shop in North Beach, looking for a flower called, Lilly of the Valley. They don’t have it. I go to Trader Joe’s—they have great flowers. Some knowledgeable woman tells me that Lilly of the Valley is a specialized flower that we don’t have in America. What! It is not that I don’t believe her but go to Safeway where they seem to have a variety of flowers, also. A young Asian lady offers to help. It is hard to convince her that I am not talking about “Lillies.” I finally give up and pick out a beautiful mixed bouquet and literally run up Taylor Street to Rose’s house. It is a pretty tough climb. In my mind’s eye, I can see Rose smiling.

I ring the bell at Rose’s house. I hear the phone ringing. Just as Rose’s mom opens the door, the answering machine comes on. It is Rose’s voice on the answering machine message. Her Mom has never changed it. I am deeply touched in hearing Rose’s voice. It is like Rose is making her presence felt. I am so glad that I followed my instincts and got flowers. I definitely know it was Rose.

When a group of old warriors gather, it’s hard to know what will come out of it. Have we heard all the war stories? No, never, even if the same ones are told with a different slant. Here’s one that 3d Platoon, Delta Company, 1/501st Airborne Infantry, 101st Airborne Division, told with a new purpose. At the latest gathering, we had a special visitor, Jimmy Stevens, the brother of one of our guys, killed in one of the longest battles of the Vietnam war.

The brother has, for the last several years, made it somewhat of an obsession, in the best sense of the word, to contact members of his brother’s unit—Those who knew him, those who might have known him, even those who didn’t know him. Over the course of several years, he’s made great friends with most of his brother’s fellow soldiers. And, now of course, here he was face to face with those who had been with his brother when he died.

A warm atmosphere as various ones recounted the story of the battle, from their perspective. The brother, Danny, had joined up at 18. Simple, said by Jimmy, “My brother, Danny, ran toward being the best he could be, regardless of the difficulty and sacrifice and not away from it.”

When Danny was killed, a prolonged battle had already taken place, several hours in fact. In a cemetery. (Americans often sought refuge in a cemetery because the VC and NVA shied away from them as spooky).

In late afternoon, the battle started. Horrendous and raged on through the night. At the north end of the cemetary, the NVA had established an extremely effective firing line. In regular fashion, the NVA soldiers would pop up and fire, mostly concealed by the mound of built-up dirt, indicating a grave. It was one of these, on the far left, behind one of the graves, that an NVA soldier shot Danny Stevens, through the heart. Norm, the best shot by truth and reputation viewed the scene. With a mounted tripod (A tripod is used to steady a weapon and make it more accurate, usually fired from a pronged position. Often used by snipers) on his M16, he waited. The NVA popped up again. Norm sent a round right between his eyes.

Danny’s brother, most assuredly, now could know how his brother died and if it was comforting, how he was avenged.